Holding the Baby Jesus

I have been praying the rosary and meditating on holding the baby Jesus. I do this as I pray the Nativity, but this is spending 5 decades on the same meditation and so I have been trying to keep myself open as the baby Jesus rests close to my heart.

At first, I just relished holding Him close and loving Him. This new little life completely dependent on others for everything, just like all babies are, except this is God. Our Lord, who humbled Himself so He could be dependent upon us, to experience life as we do.

He also needs to be taken care of, cherished, nourished and protected. Protected from what? How am I called to protect this child and who do I think I am that I can protect Him?

Then I remember my sins and that He died on the cross to save me. I need to protect Him from my sins — I need to protect Him from me! This hurts, because I am not sinless. The only way I can keep from sinning is to turn to Him in all things and even then He must come to my rescue in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Oh thank you Jesus for that most beautiful sacrament. I shudder to think where I'd be without it.

The blasphemies, the non-believers and even worse, those who have turned their backs on Him. I cannot protect Him from these things. I can't protect Him from the pain and agony we cause one another either, knowing that what we do unto the least of our brethren, we do unto Him. For that, all I can offer is prayer, fasting and penance to atone. This is the best protection I can offer and truthfully, I have to rely on Him to help me do these things.

Another image came to me as well as I held the beautiful Christ child close to my heart. I need Him more than He needs me, even at His most vulnerable. I need Him to protect and love me and guide me in all things. So in turn, as I continued to hold this babe close to my heart, I rested my head against His most Sacred Heart as He held me close. Peace.

He holds us close to His heart, just as we should hold Him close to our hearts. Our hearts should beat as one. Everything He asks of us, we can rely upon Him to help us with. We are not alone and we should not leave Him alone. As we hold Him close to our hearts and care for Him (through prayer, fasting, penance, evangelization, etc.), He holds us ever closer to His heart and cares for us in all things.

As Christmas nears, anticipate holding this beautiful Babe, this overly generous Savior. Hold Him close to your heart and do not let go. Plan to spend every moment with Him here on earth so you can be with Him eternally in the next life.

May the peace and love of Christ be with you now and forever.

Love and Mercy

God is love. But did you know that Mercy is Love's second name? It is incomprehensible how much God loves us and it is because of that love that we experience not just His mercy, but live it. It's not what we deserve, but what He freely chooses to give us.

When Adam and Eve sinned they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden, thus receiving God's justice. But He didn't wipe out humanity, no, in His mercy, he allowed redemption....for all who want to receive it. We must rely solely on His love and mercy to obtain heaven.

There is no greater love than when Jesus suffered and died for us on the cross. The crucifix is not only a great sign of His love for us, but of His mercy. You cannot have one without the other. Making the sign of the cross is a reminder of what Jesus did for us and why He did it. “We adore Thee O' Christ and we praise Thee, for by Your cross and resurrection, You have set us free.“

We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves, but that means also extending mercy toward them. No grudges, no hatred, no judgmentalism.....just love and mercy. Let go. God has forgiven you and granted you mercy, now go and do the same for your neighbor. So they cut you off driving down the road, ask God to bless them — maybe they are trying to get to the hospital to see a dying parent. Was the cashier rude to you? Let it go.....maybe someone called in sick and they have to stay late.

We expect others to understand us and for God to forgive us our sins, well then do the same for others. If you are going to err, err on the side of love and mercy.

Mercy is not just for others, it is also for ourselves. In fact, sometimes we need to grant ourselves mercy, more than we do to others. We confess our sins to God, we have received forgiveness....God's mercy, but then we continue to beat ourselves up. We dwell on it and refuse to forgive ourselves, to allow God's mercy to work within us. No good comes of this because we stop growing if all we do is dwell on the past.

Let go. Rest in the love and mercy of God.

Our Heavenly Father is just and He is merciful. We deserve His justice, but because of His love for us, He offers us mercy instead. The greatest offense to God is to refuse His mercy. In refusing His mercy, you are in fact demanding His justice. His justice damns us, but His mercy saves us.

Here is a prayer:

“Mercy is who God is. Mercy is Love's second name. God is more interested in our future than in our past, more interested in the kind of person that we can yet become than in the person we used to be. God indeed takes our sins seriously, but not as the last word. God sees our sins for what they are, but at the same time knows that there is more to us than those sins. God will help us grow patiently toward the person He wants us to be. He's willing to do this saving work with us, if we let Him enter into our lives. Amen”

Love and Mercy

God is love. But did you know that Mercy is Love's second name? It is incomprehensible how much God loves us and it is because of that love that we experience not just His mercy, but live it. It's not what we deserve, but what He freely chooses to give us.

When Adam and Eve sinned they were kicked out of the Garden of Eden, thus receiving God's justice. But He didn't wipe out humanity, no, in His mercy, he allowed redemption....for all who want to receive it. We must rely solely on His love and mercy to obtain heaven.

There is no greater love than when Jesus suffered and died for us on the cross. The crucifix is not only a great sign of His love for us, but of His mercy. You cannot have one without the other. Making the sign of the cross is a reminder of what Jesus did for us and why He did it. “We adore Thee O' Christ and we praise Thee, for by Your cross and resurrection, You have set us free.“

We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves, but that means also extending mercy toward them. No grudges, no hatred, no judgmentalism.....just love and mercy. Let go. God has forgiven you and granted you mercy, now go and do the same for your neighbor. So they cut you off driving down the road, ask God to bless them — maybe they are trying to get to the hospital to see a dying parent. Was the cashier rude to you? Let it go.....maybe someone called in sick and they have to stay late.

We expect others to understand us and for God to forgive us our sins, well then do the same for others. If you are going to err, err on the side of love and mercy.

Mercy is not just for others, it is also for ourselves. In fact, sometimes we need to grant ourselves mercy, more than we do to others. We confess our sins to God, we have received forgiveness....God's mercy, but then we continue to beat ourselves up. We dwell on it and refuse to forgive ourselves, to allow God's mercy to work within us. No good comes of this because we stop growing if all we do is dwell on the past.

Let go. Rest in the love and mercy of God.

Our Heavenly Father is just and He is merciful. We deserve His justice, but because of His love for us, He offers us mercy instead. The greatest offense to God is to refuse His mercy. In refusing His mercy, you are in fact demanding His justice. His justice damns us, but His mercy saves us.

Here is a prayer:

“Mercy is who God is. Mercy is Love's second name. God is more interested in our future than in our past, more interested in the kind of person that we can yet become than in the person we used to be. God indeed takes our sins seriously, but not as the last word. God sees our sins for what they are, but at the same time knows that there is more to us than those sins. God will help us grow patiently toward the person He wants us to be. He's willing to do this saving work with us, if we let Him enter into our lives. Amen”

Transformed

In chapter 9 of Matthew's Gospel we read of the hemorrhagic woman who truly desires to be healed.  She sees Jesus passing by and says to herself, "If only I can touch his cloak, I shall be cured."

Wow! What great faith she exhibited!

We can do the same thing today! Not only can we be physically in His presence as this woman was, we can recieve Him - body, blood, soul and divinity in the most Blessed Sacrament.

Do we believe? Do we truly believe Jesus is present in the most Blessed Sacrament?  Sadly, only about 30% of Catholics believe in the true presence. Heartbreaking. They receive Him in the Eucharist, but they don't believe it's truly Him.

The hemorrhagic woman only touched the hem of His garment and she was healed - completely transformed! Receiving Jesus in Holy Communion should be transforming us and not just us, but those around us.

Do you believe? Are you being transformed? Are those around you being transformed?

He is giving us Himself, what more do you want of Him? 

What About Zacchaeus?

Zacchaeus, the chief tax collector, wants to see Jesus. What does he do? He climbs a tree. Was that his first instinct? To climb a tree? Really? I am of short stature, but it has never occurred to me to climb a tree. I stand on my tip toes (though this really doesn't help much), but I have never thought to climb a tree. My first instinct is to try and get closer to what I want to see, get ahead of those taller than me.

But Zaccheus didn't do that, he ended up in a tree. Maybe the crowd wouldn't let him move in front of them. Maybe they didn't want him to see Jesus. He is a tax collector after all, not a very popular career choice back then (and really, who among us love the IRS)?  Maybe they didn't think he deserved to see Jesus. We know they grumbled when Jesus not only wanted to see Zacchaeus, but go and stay at his house. They couldn't believe Jesus was going to the house of a sinner.

Who do you prevent from getting to Jesus? Do you neglect to tell your neighbor about our Savior, Jesus Christ, because they don't conform to your idea of who Jesus is looking for in His kingdom? Do you judge others and their actions to deem whether or not they are worthy? Or do you tell them about Jesus, invite them and let Jesus worry about judging them?

The kingdom is for everyone. Loving your neighbor means showing them the way. Offering them a spot ahead of you, so they can be closer to Jesus. Your neighbor is a sinner - that's a fact. You know what? So are you!

What keeps you from pushing ahead and trying to get to Jesus? What is keeping you from the kingdom? Pride? Sloth?

Hebrews 13:3 says to encourage one another, while it is still today.

Loving First

Our Lord took His time bringing me one of the greatest graces I have ever received in my life, relying on my obedience to obtain it. The spiritual fatherhood of one of the most holy priests I have ever met. I cannot begin to recount the blessings and graces that have flowed since I came under his direction and even now, since he has moved to pastor another flock. How it happened is a story for another time though.

This very holy priest showed me all the things of heaven and how to obtain them. He gave me such a desire for heaven that I would do whatever he said if it would help me get there. Daily Mass, frequent confession, daily rosary and Chaplet of Divine Mercy, adoration, etc., etc. As my spiritual father I truly believed he would be among the highest in heaven, and I was sticking close to him. It only speaks more of his holiness that he never shooed me away!

He has a great love that flows from him. In every Mass he says, rosary he prays and blessing he gives there is but one goal, for the souls in his care or within his thoughts to one day be in heaven among the angels and saints. Truly this is loving your neighbor as yourself. When he receives a grace or heavenly blessing, he shares it. A great conduit between heaven and earth for all souls.

On the cross, Jesus said, “I thirst.” He thirsts for souls...for our love. How do we quench the thirst of our Lord and Savior but to give Him all He desires. Not just our souls, but the souls of our neighbors, in complete obedience to His second greatest commandment to us. This holy priest is surely quenching the thirst of our Lord as rarely seen in history and even more rare in our time. He loves and in the rare instance that he is aggrieved by someone, he immediately offers them to our Lord and blesses them.

I recently attended the installation Mass at his new parish and had the opportunity to speak to a few of his new parishioners. They love him and are so excited he is there with them. I am so happy for them. During the Mass when the Bishop “introduced” him as their new pastor he received a standing ovation and though I know he would rather not have, it was beautiful.

Thinking about that later, I was marveling at how loved he already is at his new parish and then realized why — because he first loved them. He started praying for his new parish and parishioners the moment he was told he was transferring! He also encouraged others to do the same and so as I was praying for my new pastor, I was also praying for him and his new parish and parishioners!

1 John 4:19 says, “We love, because He first loved us.” This beautiful priest is a living example of the scriptures. His new parishioners love him, because he first loved them....offering Masses and other prayers long before he took over as their pastor.

I am ashamed that it has taken his departure for me to fully see his lesson of love lived, or rather that it is precisely the example I should be following in all things at all times. To pray for everyone, to ask God to bless all those who cross my path, to pray when getting in the car to drive and thanks for my safe arrival, to pray for all those at each new destination, those I work with and for, my neighbors, my loved ones and especially those I find it hard to love.

Who in your life are you loving because they first loved you? Are you loving them back? Are you paying their love forward? When you receive love from others are you sharing it?

Jesus loved us first....and by His example we are to love one another, in service and perhaps even laying down our own lives.....or at least trying to die to self. We should be conduits of love for everyone we come in contact with.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the grace and blessing this priest of yours has been — not just in my life, but in the lives of all those he comes in contact with daily. Please strengthen him, protect him from all evil, sanctify him and help him to always be the holy priest you desire him to be. Lord, I ask this for all your priests.

Living the Word of God

The call came in at 5 a.m.; but I didn't get to the phone quick enough to answer it, so I called the number back, not knowing who would answer. The man who answered the phone said, “Trina?” It took me a second to realize who it was because I was still partly asleep and who answers their phone saying the callers name?

My friends were at the hospital in labor with their sixth blessing, who was coming a little quicker than anticipated and they needed someone to be with the first five blessings so they could welcome him together. Glad to be close enough to help, I went over and sat with the boys in the waiting room until their aunt could arrive. What a joyous occasion.

Before leaving I was able to visit with my friends a few moments and they asked if I could bring holy communion to them. I promised to return and as the little guy burst into the world very shortly after 7 a.m. I took holy communion to them before our 10 a.m. Mass. We read the Gospel for the day together and then I left to attend Mass.

As I was praying before Mass the Gospel I'd just read with my friends, The Good Samaritan, came to my mind and I was just filled with love for our Lord for allowing me to live that Gospel.

In his homily our priest talked about the Gospel and said the good samaritan was truly following Jesus' second greatest command, to love our neighbor as ourselves. Again, it just really struck me what a great blessing God had given me and I was so grateful that I cooperated with Him to be His hands, feet, eyes, etc.

God created us for good and when we strive to live Godly lives and cooperate with His plan for us, beautiful things happen.

Breaking The Rules

Recently 11 baseball players from various major league teams were placed on suspension for using an illegal substance (human growth hormone).  These men made a bad choice, they broke the rules of baseball. Everyone makes bad choices in their lives and sometimes those choices affect others.  

Does this scandal ruin baseball? Of course it doesn't, because baseball depends on teams, not individuals. An individual can break the rules in baseball, and though that choice can affect others, it doesn't ruin the whole.  People can still enjoy baseball.

The same can be said of Christianity. All Christians are held to the same"rules", which we refer to as the Word of God. But like those baseball players, sometimes Christians do not play by the rules....we bend the Word or twist it or change it completely so it conforms to what we want it to be instead of what Jesus intends it to be.

Christianity is also about teamwork.  Jesus referred to us as His brothers and sisters. As a team, we are supposed to work together and help one another - not to win the World Series or the Superbowl, but something much greater - to one day be together in heaven.

Yes, sometimes individual Christians break the rules (go against the Word of God), but it doesn't ruin the whole of Christianity anymore than a few individual baseball players breaking the rules ruins the game of baseball.  It's an awful thing to go against the Word of God, it injures us, those we wronged and certainly hurts God, but it doesn't ruin Christianity. For that I am eternally grateful.

Just something to think about.

Ready to go.....

People are always surprised to find out I'm not on a heart transplant list. I don't want a transplant.....for a few reasons. Please understand that these are my reasons, everyone has to come to this decision on their own.....no judgements allowed. My little sister had a heart transplant and I was extremely grateful she did, because that gave her an extra 5 years with us. But it's not for me.

First of all, I just really don't believe the organ donation system is always an honest one. It may have started off that way, but more and more often I hear of people who are “brain dead”, waking up. I don't want to live my life thinking the person whose heart I have, may have awakened at some point.

Another reason is because my body just doesn't handle medication very well. I am on quite a few meds now and most of them are baby doses. Having a transplant means even more meds....so I'd be trading one chronic condition for another. I'd be better in one sense, perhaps, but there are no guarantees.

I was diagnosed with heart failure....specifically a dilated cardiomyopathy with Class III-IV CHF....5 years ago this month. No one was more surprised than me and let me tell you, I was quite surprised. My ejection fraction at that time was 12%. I was told it should be about 65%. One doctor told me my heart function was not conducive to life. Not long after that another doctor told me that at some point, the rest of my body would stop compensating for my heart.

With meds the ejection fraction (EJ) went up to 30% and capped out, so they put in a defibrillator. I thank God too because about a year later I went into a-fib and my heart beat went over 200 bmp and that thing fired. Shocked! Literally! Wasn't as bad as I'd expected, I at least stayed upright, but I really don't look forward to the next time.

Mayo Clinic checked me out and while there my husband asked how long my heart would last. The doctor said it could be 5 years, could be 10 years. Or it could be 1 year.....could have done without that one....but we had already passed that mark. Now we are at year 5.

Not without some issues of course....they found a blood clot in my heart a few years ago and 2 1/2 years ago my EJ had dropped to 25–30% and then 10 months later it had dropped again to about 20–25%. It has been about 20 months since my last echo, but I don't foresee having another one. Aside from the monitoring of my defibrillator, there are no more appointments with the specialists. I simply see my own doctor for whatever comes up. All those doctor appointments are nerve-racking.

I look perfectly healthy to those around me, even if I am a little rounder than I should be. No one has any idea I am terminal unless I tell them. Heck, even my friends forget. I used to be able to forget, but it's getting more and more obvious to me that I am slowing down tremendously.

What's my point?

I'm okay with this. I have been since the beginning. Quite honestly, the only thing that upset me about this whole diagnosis was the bedside manner of the doctor and how flippant his attitude was about my diagnosis and prognosis. It was honestly like the man was telling me I had a boil and needed it lanced....what's the big deal?

I want my family and friends to accept this too. I will be around until our heavenly Father calls me home. I am ready when He is. I have a beautiful relationship with our Lord. I will be eternally grateful for the beautiful graces He has bestowed upon me during the years, especially the last 5 years.

Aside from my beautiful faith and those wonderful things that go along with it, humor and laughter have helped me through. I love to laugh and to make others laugh.

My life has been quite a ride and even though I wasn't always smart enough to keep the seat belt on or my hands inside the car at all times, I've made it through, mostly unscathed.

There are no bags to pack, no jet plane to catch....just me, ready to go.....just as soon as I use up the last oomph my heart has. I want every last ounce of love squeezed out of my heart so when I get to heaven, I can tell God I gave it my all! :o)

Bullseye

Yesterday  during Mass I had a vision of Jesus in a series of circles, much like a dart board. He of course was at the center and we, meaning all the people in the world, were scattered around Him. No one was in the exact center as He was, but some were in the next circles and all those around it, some weren't in any circle, but at least on the board and others were way off the board. It was impossible to see them all because the further away from the center of the board, the darker it was. So some were in the light and others were in complete darkness.

Those closest to the center, that is to say, closest to Jesus, were those attending Mass every chance they had (there are some who desire daily Mass, but are unable to attend due to illness or work), praying rosaries, doing holy hours, frequent confession, and prayers throughout the day, making a conscience effort to keep Jesus in their heart and minds throughout the day.

The further from the center, the less time people spent thinking about Jesus and fostering a relationship with Him. Those who attend Mass only on Sunday, to fulfill their “obligation” were not very close to the center, because their hearts are not involved.

The significance here is how much recourse we have to our Lord. Obviously those in the closest circle around Jesus need only reach out to touch Him, to ask His assistance, and He is right there to aid them. This isn't to say our Lord does not hear the prayers of the others, even those in the darkness, but those closest to Him know His voice, they heed His voice and they trust in Him. They are comfortable with our Lord. The further one is from Jesus, the less likely they are to recognize His voice when He speaks and feel His loving hands upon them as He comforts them.

The further one is from Jesus, the harder it is to gaze upon Him because they are not accustomed to His bright countenance. The light exposes them and their deeds....and do not think that those in the closer circles are fully immersed in the light, because any circle outside of Christ's begins to dim. Our love determines which circle we are in. We must be attending Mass, begging for mercy in the confessional and seeking His forgiveness and living in His presence constantly and we must also be encouraging others closer to the center.

When we draw near to God, He does draw near to us.

Talking to God.....

I love to see people in prayer. Turning themselves over to our Lord, talking to Him and hopefully, listening as well.  It's a beautiful sight, seeing people turn to the God of the universe and asking Him to be a part of their lives, to guide them, love them, heal them or what ever other needs they have.

I pray many different ways, praying the rosary and meditating on our Lord's life, praying the Divine Mercy chaplet or the Stations of the Cross and meditating on His passion and death, just sitting quietly (yes, even I can be quiet a little) and enjoying His presence. I thank Him, I praise Him and if no one is around I sing hymns. I also journal, telling Jesus what is going on in my life and working through difficulties.  

Time with our Lord is sacred time, never wasted. I desire a close relationship with Him and for any relationship to grow it needs to be fostered. You must spend time with one another. When I am in prayer, I try not to pay attention to what is going on around me because I am with the Almighty, our Father.  He alone matters, though I would appreciate a tap on the shoulder should the building catch fire!

I was praying one morning before Mass and the priest was kneeling at the communion rail, head bowed and clearly in prayer, when someone walked up and tapped him on the shoulder.  I was a little shocked that someone would interrupt him, after all, he is talking to God.   Then I thought about how that also happens to me, usually when I am journaling.  It's frustrating because it's pretty easy to lose your train of thought and sometimes I'm thinking several things which I am trying to get onto paper.  

Remember that others are in prayer to deepen their relationships with the Father, give them time alone with God, to draw nearer to Him.  There is no one more important to spend time with than our Almighty God.

Listening

Last week my husband was watching a talk show and the host was doing a Q&A.  A woman in the audience stood up and asked if it was necessary for her to feign interest in a conversation if the person talking is just going on and on.  I think a great many of us have been "caught" in conversations we're not particularly interested in, but I was shocked that someone would actually voice this question.

More shocking was the host's response.  He told her no, she did not have to pretend to be interested in what the other person was saying and should quickly get away from the "offender."  At first I thought he was kidding - probably because I thought the question was absurd - but it turns out he was serious.  He said he hates nothing more than for someone to drone on and he thinks it's foolish to waste his valuable time listening.  He went on to say that his agent tells him, if it's not making him any money, it's not worth his while.  He told the woman her time was also too valuable to be wasted listening to someone she had no interest in.

All I could voice upon hearing this was "wow!"  To the woman's credit, she actually did seem dumbstruck.  Almost as though she was expecting him to say yes, that politeness dictates you hear the person out.  It seemed she was now faced with a dilemma - opt for rudeness and walk away or show another human being some compassion.

This is part of what's wrong with our world today.  People value themselves so much, it's hard for many of them to fathom that others also have great worth.  In the eyes of God, we are all equal, unique, wonderful and beautiful creations.  Humans refuse to see that simple fact.

We are so caught up in the world that if someone doesn't have money, the right job, the right car, the right this or the right that - then they are not worth our time.  In other words, they have no value.

Honestly, all I could think was....what if you are the only one who listens to this person and you tell him he's not worth your time?  What if the only reason why he hasn't committed suicide is because he thinks you care about him?  What if the only thing keeping him from going to a mall or a school and opening fire is the fact that he truly believes you are his friend? 

I would love to contact this talk show host and tell him to get over himself.  If he thinks he hasn't droned on and on to someone in his lifetime, he's sadly mistaken.  I feel pretty safe saying we have all bored someone with our incessant chatting at some time or another.  Unfortunately, he appears to only have enough heart to love himself.  What a shame!  I pray for him - that God will show him true love.

Jesus tells us that what we do unto the least of our brethen, we do unto Him.  Where are you ignoring Jesus in your life?