Examination

In early October my spiritual director advised me to do an examination of conscience every day, preferably in the evening.  I've heard many times over the years I should be doing one, it's just not something I've done on a regular basis.  I didn't do it regularly after he told me to do it either, because I would forget, or think about it and put it off and then forget.  Or I'd be too tired. Or I didn't feel like doing it.  On those days when I did manage to do an examination, I'd forget what I'd come up with by the time I went to confession, so it was losing some of its point.

I decided the best way to go would be to write down my examination.  Then, I would have those things (SINS!) on paper and I could take them into the confessional with me so I wouldn't forget anything. Taking a pad and pencil in the confessional is a good thing to do, especially for me, because then I can write down my penance, and anything else the priest (Jesus) may say to me while I'm in there.  Once I've confessed those sins, there is a certain amount of pleasure in ripping those pages out of the notebook and tearing them into little pieces before throwing them away.  Don't keep them, God has already forgiven those sins and forgotten them....so no need for us to dwell on them.

I have been diligent about doing the examination since I got a notebook, but truly only because my spiritual director told me to do it (obedience).  True, it was helpful in the confessional, but it's kind of "another thing to do in my day."  I don't need anything else to do in my day.

I did notice though, rather quickly, that when you write your sins down in a notebook, and you open that notebook daily to write down more stuff (SINS!), you want to confess them more frequently (really, who wants to take a "book" into the confessional with them?).  I have been in the habit of going to confession at least once a month for quite some time now, but I was moved to go a little more frequently so I could rip those pages out and tear them up (confess my SINS!).

Another benefit to writing down my daily examination of conscience occurred to me last Thursday when I again went to confession.  It had only been a week since my last confession and as I was looking at the things I'd written down, I realized that had I not written them down, I would have forgotten them!  Things that needed to be confessed would have been left UNconfessed because I would not have remembered them otherwise. YIKES!

Doing an examination not only helps us to confess all our sins, it helps us to get to know ourselves.  It's not about just knowing what we've done wrong, but knowing what we've done right and what we could have done better.  Maybe even to start recognizing those things we should have done but didn't.

Before doing an examination of conscience be sure to put yourself in the presence of God.  I like to ask the Holy Spirit to help me, in essence, asking God what He wants me to confess.  What I usually do is just quiet myself and pray:

"O come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Your well beloved spouse."

My Priest Knows Me

I love the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Sometimes at my parish it’s called the Sacrament of Mercy and I think that actually draws me even more to the confessional.  Why would you not want mercy?  That’s just crazy!  I was once visiting a parish out of town and was doing the Stations of the Cross and as I walked past the confessional I noticed a sign on the door that said, “Love Shack”.  Quite frankly I was a little disturbed by that name, but really, what could be truer?  I know we see the priest walk into the confessional, but it’s Jesus who hears our confessions, forgives us, and absolves us of our sins.  The priest is just the instrument through which Jesus works.

I didn’t make my first confession until I was 33 years old and I had a lot to cover.  I was very nervous that first time and it didn’t help I was at a communal penance service.  It always seems as though everyone can hear you, and so I was in no rush to go.  I looked around at all the priests who were available and all I could think about was getting the one young priest “on the panel” because I did not want any of the old guys hearing my confession.

That experience forever changed my life.  That’s the point of confession, to be changed.  To turn from your sin and run to a life in Jesus.  Not to say it’s easy, because it isn’t, but when have good things ever just fallen from the sky?  We have to work at them.  As much as I’ve come to love the sacrament of reconciliation, I know I have a lot more to learn about the mercy we are being offered.

The confessional has become a refuge for me.  The priest is welcoming and his attention is focused on healing the heart and soul.  Although I prefer to make confessions to my parish priest, others prefer the anonymity of confessing to a priest from a different parish.  I personally like the feeling of accountability I get when confessing to someone I see on a regular basis.  I know the priest does not remember individual confessions, but I leave the confessional with the sense of duty not to sin again, especially when I know I’ll be seeing that priest again very soon.

I have to admit, there are times when I want to go somewhere else for confession because I don’t want to confess to my parish priest, but humility is part of confession.  Turning away from our pride and admitting what we’ve done wrong.  Remember, Jesus already knows what you’ve done wrong, better than you do, but He wants you to be humble, just as He is humble.

I go to my parish priest for confession because he is my spiritual father.  It is the “duty” of every priest to make sure you get to heaven and so you can go to any priest and he will hear your confession and help you.  But there is a bond between you and your spiritual father that is not present with another priest.  Spiritual matters should not be taken lightly.  If your goal is to get to heaven, you have to be serious about doing what it takes to get there.

I’m not saying you can’t go to another confessor; because certainly there are times when it’s appropriate.  If you are out of town, on a retreat, you can’t make it during the scheduled confession times.  If you are in need of reconciliation, go wherever you can to find Jesus in that sacrament.

Just as you are the best one to take care of your children when they are in need, so your priest is the best one to take care of “his” children….you and me!