Emergency Help

Due to chronic heart failure, I have been to the emergency room more times than I care to count over the past few years.  When I was first diagnosed I was given ridiculous amounts of information, including when I should visit the emergency room.  I was told to go to the emergency room if I had one or more of the following symptoms:

1. Weight gain of 3lbs in 1 day or 5lbs or more in a week;
2. More swelling of feet, ankles, legs or stomach;
3. More shortness of breath;
4. Feeling more tired - no energy;
5. Dry, hacking cough
6. Harder to breathe when lying down;
7. Chest pain

The routine at the ER was always the same; they rush me to a room, do an EKG, a chest x-ray, lab work, put an IV in (just in case I was admitted), give me oxygen and turn the lights down so I can rest while they figured out what's going on.  All this before the doctor sees me.  When the doctor comes in the question is always the same, "Why are you here?"  I describe my chest pain, explain I'm having more shortness of breath, have no energy, and more swelling.  The doctor listens, tells me the EKG is fine, the chest x-ray is fine, the labs are fine.  Usually by this time the shortness of breath has subsided, as well as the chest pain. The couple hours of rest usually means I'm not as tired either.  The doctor explains that these symptoms are normal for people with my condition.  Despite that, they typically insist on admitting me, which I will only agree to if my personal doctor thinks I should be admitted.  He  never does....what's the point when all the tests or "fine"? 

At this point, there is an awkward silence until the doctor asks what I would like them to do for me.  My typical resonse is, if everything is "fine" I'll just go home.  Many friends have accompanied me to the ER and they have different opinions on this "discharge" thing.  Some think I should be admitted, at least overnight, for observation.  Others fear something will happen if I go home.  Some have the same opinion I do.

So, the discharge papers are prepared, I'm discharged and someone takes me home.  It still makes me chuckle everytime I read the discharge papers because they are always the same.  They tell me that if I have any signs of worsening heart failure (see list above), I should go to the ER immediately.

These useless trips to the ER annoy me to no end.  They are time consuming, irritating, expensive and ultimately, a waste of time.  After one visit to the ER I went home and checked my e-mail and was suprised to see e-mails from 5 or 6 friends who said they'd been praying for me and hoped I was doing better.  It took me a few minutes to realize how they even knew I'd been to the ER (I certainly don't twitter).  I'd been at Mass that evening and was not feeling well during most of it and the chest pain became almost unbearable.  A friend drove me over to the ER but other friends who had been at Mass decided they would call upon our Lord. 

They sent e-mails out and thus started a chain of prayers. This would happen frequently because I tended, for some reason, to end up at the ER after Mass.  My priest would often pray over me before I left or he would come to the ER.

Our human eyes make it very difficult for us to see the power of prayer at work in our lives but I firmly believe the reason why they rarely find anything out of the ordinary at the ER is because prayer was started before I arrived and continued for some time after.  All those people (and I didn't know everyone those e-mails were forwarded to) praying for me touched the heart of our Lord and He was moved to answer them.

I still have chest pain and shortness of breath frequently, but I avoid the ER like the plague.  The doctors and nurses, lab technicians, x-ray technicians, respiratory technicians are all great, but ultimately, they do very little to help me feel better (kudos to all those who remember to bring a heated blanket though....those always make ya feel better!).

Our Divine Physician, who is on call 24/7 and always answers, has never failed me.  I truly believe He heals me before I even get to the ER and that's why there is hardly ever anything "wrong". 

We must certainly use human prudence in every situation, especially in an emergency, but remember to call on our Lord and Savior immediately.  He heals, sometimes directly and other times, indirectly through the doctors and nurses.

Answered Prayer

Garth Brooks did a song years ago about how some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.  I thought about that at Mass this morning during the homily because the deacon was saying that God does not always answer our prayers.  I respectfully disagree with both of them. 

God answers all prayers, He just doesn’t necessarily do it the way we want Him to or when we want Him to.  Our world has moved into an “instant gratification” mind set and that, coupled with our self-centeredness, means we expect everything we want right now.  We need to learn “delayed gratification”, but I’ll talk about that another day.

God does answer each and every prayer, in His way and in His time.  He will either answer “yes,” “no” or “not yet.”  If we truly have a relationship with God, we’ll understand these answers when we get them.  This requires maturity in our spiritual lives, which takes time (delayed gratification).

Just because God doesn’t “grant our wishes” does not mean He has not answered our prayers.  Our Father loves us and He knows what’s best for us; much more than we do.  We may look with our own eyes and see what we need, but He looks with His all knowing eyes and knows what we need.  He is more interested in helping us get to heaven than in getting more prestige, money or whatever we think we want.

The next time you think God has not answered your prayers, spend some quiet time in prayer and ask God what His answer was, you may just find He answered it in a way you didn’t quite expect.  Garth Brooks had it somewhat right, some of God’s greatest gifts are different answers to our prayers than we expected.

“He whose attitude towards Christ is correct does indeed ask ‘in His Name’ and receives what he asks for, if it is something which does not stand in the way of his salvation. He gets it, however, only when he ought to receive it, for certain things are not refused us, but their granting is delayed to a fitting time.” ~Saint Augustine~

Seen and Unseen

Comedian Bill Engvall coined the phrase, “Here’s your sign.”  In the way only a comedian can, he tells us people should wear “signs” so everyone else will know who they are (he’s referring to people who tend to do or say things that aren’t exactly intelligent – such as touching a hot iron and saying, “Ouch, that’s hot!” leaving us inwardly thinking, “no kidding Einstein”!)

In a sense, we do wear signs, they just aren’t evident to everyone.  On the front, we wear a “sign” which we present to everyone only what we want them to see.  We are nice, loving, caring, hardworking, faithful, successful, rich or whatever it is we ourselves want others to see in us.

We wear another “sign” on the back.  This sign lists our faults.  We don’t want anyone to know what this sign says and we really believe no one has any idea what’s on it either.  We don’t want anyone to know we are insecure, afraid, have an anger problem, in debt up to our noses, in a suffering marriage, estranged from our children, self-righteous, stuck-up or whatever it is we don’t want others to know about us, including sometimes, ourselves.

We are not supposed to, but we judge people based on what we can see.  We tend to forget that there is a whole other side to the story that we cannot see.  We get upset because Father didn’t stop and talk to us after Mass because he was in a rush to get out of church and on with his day, but we didn’t know the hospital just called and he was needed at a dying person’s bedside.

Our in-laws call and invite themselves for a week long visit and we feel put out because it doesn’t fit into our schedule and then we find out at the end of the visit that dad has been diagnosed with colon cancer and nothing can be done.  He’s dying and wanted to see us one last time.

We get angry when a young woman goes in to have an abortion because we know for a fact it’s wrong.  We forget that she has probably been taught that it’s perfectly okay to do because she has a “choice” and that she needs love and forgiveness instead of anger and resentment from us.

On and on and on we judge each other, instead of loving each other, because of what we think we see.  Only God can see all things and He loves us infinitely more than we will ever love one another.

Every time we start to judge someone, we must stop and pray for that person instead (this will take practice).  If that person truly has the defect we are making judgments about, then they need our prayers.  I urge you to pray for yourself though, asking God to keep you from falling into that defect as well (if you haven’t already!).

Love is Prayer

"For me prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look towards Heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy." - Saint Therese of Lisieux

Yesterday a friend said to me, "love is prayer" and those simple words found a spot in my heart.  Truth has a way of doing that to us.  Prayer is communication with God; raising our minds and hearts to our Father in heaven.  When we pray, when we lift our minds and hearts to God the Father, we show our love for Him.

Without communication with another, there can be no relationship.  Relationships vary throughout life and even with different individuals.  I have friends I see maybe once a month, some I see almost daily.  Not surprisingly, I am much closer to the friends I see on a daily basis than the ones I only see once a month.  We obviously communciate more frequently and therefore, have a stronger bond.  This makes sense, right?  The strength of your communication with another will determine the depth of your relationship.

What kind of relationship would you have with your spouse if you only communicated once a week?  Probably not a very good one.  In fact, you probably wouldn't have a very good relationship with one another if you only communicated with your spouse once a day.  In a good spousal relationship you will communicate throughout the day with one another, even if just briefly.  It's how you stay connected with each other.

This works the same with God.  If we need to communicate with our spouses throughout the day to keep our relationship healthy, how much more important is it to communicate with God?  We need to be communicating with our Creator, our God, our Father, throughout the day.  Prayer should be our first "act" each day and our last one each night and frequently in between.  Relationship with God is not Mass on Sundays and prayer before meals.  Relationship with God is communication throughout our day.  Each time you think of your spouse or children or parents or friends or enemies throughout the day, say a prayer and ask God to bless them.  Heck, ask God to bless the kid in the vehicle next to you with the booming music or the lady with the screaming child 2 tables away at the restaurant and every one else who crosses your path.

Love is prayer.  God is love (1 John 4:8).  They cannot be separated.

Filling the Gaps

One evening I sat quietly before our Eucharistic Lord and asked Him what he would like to share with a prayer group meeting I would very soon be talking to. He very simply and quietly replied, “Love me.” A plea for love. That’s His message to us and it truly has been for centuries. If you’ll remember, He asked the same thing when He was crucified, although His words then were, “I thirst.”

He was grossly misunderstood while He hung nailed to that cross. When He said, “I thirst” what happened? The answer can be found in Psalm 69:21 “…and for my thirst, they gave me vinegar to drink.” And in John 19:29, “A bowl full of vinegar stood there.”

I often pray, “Jesus, please fill in the gap between the love I have received and the love I need.” As I sat before the Lord that night, I prayed. “Jesus, help me to fill in the gap between the love You have received and the love You need.” I looked up at our Lord and it struck me how little love our Lord is shown. Even by those of us who profess to love Him. How often do we give vinegar to our Lord instead of true drink? Complaining about the crosses He lovingly gives us instead of embracing them. Ignoring the needs of those around us and thinking only about ourselves? Watching hour upon hour of television instead of sitting with Him in adoration?

Jesus, help me to fill in the gap between the love You have received and the love You need.

I asked our Lord how to fill in that gap and he told me four things. Sacrifices. Prayer. Trust. Mary. I’ll start with sacrifices because we must offer sacrifices to our Lord for the conversion of sinners and for ourselves. What love we show Him by sacrificing ourselves, even in our small human ways. Denying ourselves that second cup of coffee in the morning, staying 5 extra minutes after Mass in thanksgiving, eating peanut butter and jelly for dinner instead of treating ourselves to a night out. We can even say, Lord, I really want a diet Coke, but for love of You I will deny myself and ask for the conversion of sinners. There are countless ways to offer small sacrifices to our Lord to show Him our love for Him.

Two, He wants us to pray. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, “Pray without ceasing.” Everything we do can be done in prayer. Little aspirations said throughout the day, “Sweet heart of Jesus, be my love.” Jesus meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto thine. “Oh Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.” The rosary, the Divine Mercy chaplet, the Mass. Pray a Hail Mary for the person in the car next to you at the stop light or in front of you at the checkout counter. Remember to offer the Mass you attend for someone, the Holy Souls, offer it in thanksgiving for all the graces received, offer it for the priests or for your spouse and children. You can even offer it for the person who is suffering most in the world right at that moment. Simply saying the name of Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Much sweeter to Him than vinegar.

At the end of the Divine Mercy chaplet we proclaim, Jesus, I trust in You. So the third thing is Jesus wants us to trust Him. We hear in Jeremiah 19:11-12, “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.”

Fourth, turn to His Holy Mother in all things. She alone can fill the gap between the love He has received and the love He needs but she and Jesus desire us to fill it. With our sacrifices, our prayers and our complete trust in His divine plan for us. Mother Mary is our greatest intercessor because Jesus cannot resist His mother. Mary can take our prayers and offer them perfectly to her son. Talk to Mary throughout the day and ask her assistance in all things.

It is not in loving ourselves that the world will be transformed, it is in loving others. Love equals action and the more we love, the more we are moved to action. We should be willing to do anything for our Lord. Matthew 25:40 says, “Amen I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.” He didn’t tell us that we love Him by loving ourselves, but by loving others. Sacrifices. Prayer. Trust. Mary. In Luke 10:27 we read, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your being, with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

I pray to be able to truly say as St. Faustina did, “O my Jesus, You know, You alone know well that my heart knows no other love but You."

Jesus, please fill in the gap between the love I have received and the love I need. It is a beautifully versatile prayer. Jesus, help me to fill in the gap between the love You have received and the love You need. To show our love of others we can pray, Jesus, please fill in the gap between the love my enemy needs and the love they have received.

Ask Mother Mary to help you love her Son more, to pray more fervently, to make purer sacrifices and to trust more completely.

Ask yourself:

Am I loving Jesus in everything I do?

Am I bringing the love of Jesus into everything I do?

Am I fulfilling the third of otehrs or offering vinegar by holding grudges, getting angry and making snide comments?

Am I offering sacrifices throughout the day?

“Pray, don’t worry.” St. Padre Pio